The Non-Negotiables – Those things that make me who I am
I don’t believe that perfection is, or ever will be, an attainable feat. In fact, as I have learned through many years of opportunities and mistakes, the moment you are happy with where you are is the moment that the journey ends.
Trust me, nobody wants the journey to end.
My life is not easy at times. Professionally, I have made numerous changes over the last two decades and have left roles that most would call lifelong. Personally, the word chaos and survival come to mind most days. However, I continue to always move forward no matter how much the world around me seems to be in flames. Kind of the like the meme with the dog having a drink at the bar as the bar burns down. If you’re going through hell, keep on going.
That is why when the topic of non-negotiables got brought up, it was something I wanted to write about. I am a highly regimented individual, so narrowing it down to only a few is probably the hardest part.
Here are my non-negotiables that make me who I am:
The Gym
I learned very early in my life that the gym or working out is the best way to fight anxiety, stress, and anger. Not very many activities outside of combat sports can allow you to solve all three of those vices within an hour a day. As with a lot things, I also have taken this much further than most people – it has become the single most important aspect of my life outside of my own family. I have stated many times before that in a choice between work and fitness, I will be unemployed.
I am very type A. I function off a higher level of stress than most and the funny part is that my blood pressure is deemed as low. No matter the circumstances, you give me a few hours in the gym, and I will come out in a better place than I went in. That is why it has become an addiction to the point where taking a day off is harder than making sure I get there. My day is worse without an outlet, and that is what working out is for me, an outlet.
I still laugh when I pack my own meals or go anywhere. I get more comments about eating healthy and the gym than anything else in my life. I am sometimes seen as the outcast, even though the habits I have built should be what all strive towards. For some, it is just easier to identify the outlier than admit the reasoning.
My Morning
This is where I have the largest difference in my marriage, I am a morning person, and my wife is not. She works all day so she can have that last hour before bed to herself (no kids, minimal talking, no work, just thoughts). For me, this time is usually 4:00 am and I am most often walking on a treadmill or sitting and eating in complete silence in the dark.
The morning routine that I have never changed. In fact, when things go off kilter, it can destroy my entire day in the first few minutes of waking up. This was the hardest part about the sleep disturbance of both my boys, as it did not hurt my wife’s time to reflect, it just blew mine up. I found myself setting the alarm earlier and earlier just to get that time knowing that the boys were going to be up. This was a trend until 4am became 3am and my body said, “don’t be stupid”.
Silence is something I never thought of growing up as a luxury. Only once the boys got older and responsibilities started piling up did I yearn for that time alone in the morning to my own. In most instances I don’t even think of anything, just the dark, my breakfast, and complete quiet.
Sticky Notes
During the busiest of times my desk looks like a bomb of neon Post-It notes went off. I will be the first to make fun of those who have not come over to the technology side. My Google calendar is synced with all my employees and my wife, my cell phone has every application imaginable, and I even have a thing that allows Netflix and my cell to run through my truck dashboard. But you ask me what my to-do lists are for the day and neon hell begins.
Call it old age or call it the most unique scheduling system ever built, I need to be reminded constantly of the tasks that need done. When I get to work those post it notes are my bible and my day is dictated by how many of them I can throw out before I leave. Much like my email inbox and the goal of zero inbox, I have the same goal of zero desk sticky’s. Stupid, but it works.
In the end for those reading, the lesson is writing things down. Don’t copy my method as this is stupid by all accounts but do copy the moral. What gets measured gets managed – write that down on a sticky.
Zero Inbox
I have a daily goal to have zero emails in my inbox. I probably only achieve these one or two days a year but for most this would be unachievable. In fact, when I see someone’s inbox and it says hundreds of emails, I get anxious. I would lose sleep if my inbox was not limited to the best I could do that day.
In the past my largest issue was that I was a one-man band. Call it ego, narcissism, or just stupid at times, I felt that by doing things myself I would be seen as successful. I am thankful that I can say that no longer applies and Strategic Coach (and Kristjan) beat that out of me one task at a time. These days I would rather be the least important person at work, they get a lot less emails.
By cleaning out my inbox, it forces me to delegate, reply, or prioritize.
These are skills not easily trained but by forcing the task itself of going through emails, I am now master of my domain. It is not very often I have old emails in my inbox, and unopened ones are probably never within one day of receiving it. By then it has been stored away, forwarded and delegated, replied, or deleted. It is freeing, I would push everybody to try it.
In the end I probably have more than a dozen non-negotiables I could identify. The most interesting part is that while many would say “unplug”, I cannot use that one because unplugging from my phone causes me more stress. This is probably one of the areas that Strategic Coach has lost the battle with my inner self. Maybe one day, but for now that remains along with the rest of my non-negotiables.
