Overwhelmed

You are going to have bad days (or weeks); forget them and move on. 

 

My wife and I have a running joke when I leave for work in the morning. We don’t say “Have a good day”, we just say one simple word “Survive”. There are a lot of times that our situation is overwhelming, and I will be the first to admit that I could curl up into a ball some days. The demands increase, the shouting gets louder, and frankly, the anxiety hits a breaking point. The fact is that if either of my children ever decides to talk, the first word will likely be a swear.

 

I write this blog to let others know that they are not alone. 

 

At least once a month, depending on the amount of sleep we are getting, there will be a day or two that we honestly just cannot take the situation. I call it “breaking”, but I am sure there is a more correct psychological terminology that is above my pay grade to understand. These days feel like they take a lifetime and in most of them you are alone, or it is just you and your spouse against the world. 

 

Living with children with autism is a constant demand both mentally and physically. From the mental standpoint, we have two children moving into their teenage years who still have the functional skills of two and three-year-olds. I truly believe our youngest is in the middle of the terrible twos even though he is about to turn eleven. We must medicate them, feed them, change them, and never take our eyes off them as danger is not a word that they comprehend. More than once we have pulled burnt toys off the stove top or cleaned up water off the floors from them playing with the fridge dispenser. It is a full-time job on top of another full-time job.

 

This isn’t me complaining, this is merely painting the picture of families with children with autism. Not all will be the same, the spectrum is relatively wide when it comes to conditions and behaviours, but to feel overwhelmed is to be human. 

 

When our journey started, I felt like this was too hard and my feelings got the best of me, and I had the feeling that this was the worst it could be. Well, you quickly lose those feelings as the children get older and larger and the problems get more serious and more dangerous. Before I worried about them damaging the house, now I must constantly be worried about them hurting themselves or burning down the house.

 

The question becomes how do you cope? 

First, vent when you get the opportunity. 

 

I am not an individual that likes to talk about feelings or emotions. In fact, on the professional side, I preach against it as often it leads to bad decision-making. Well, when it comes to the personal side, you need to have an outlet or things will eat you alive. 

 

This is not to say that your significant other is always that outlet as they are probably dealing with the same feelings. Sometimes you just need to unload on a friend or somebody who will listen. I always laugh at the memes where the wives are venting, and the husbands always try to solve their problems which makes them even angrier. Sometimes you don’t want a solution, you just need the outlet.

 

The second coping mechanism is realizing that things will pass. 

 

I am not saying that tomorrow may not have a whole new set of conflicts, but moments pass just as fast as they appear. We deal with a lot of meltdowns these days with both children, as you know how two- and three-year-olds react to the word “no” or a change in schedule. Well, when they are pushing 100 lbs this is just amplified to where they couldn’t calm themselves down even if they wanted to. 

 

You need to just breathe (easier said than done) and realize that this moment will pass. That may be one of the larger annoyances I have learned to deal with, they can go from full nuclear meltdown to a laughing loveable child in less than 30 seconds. You learn to ride the highs and the lows like a roller coaster.

 

In the end, you will always feel overwhelmed. Even on the good days the sheer amount of work or anxiety you have on what is around the next corner will keep you up at night. Just know that you are doing something that most people probably couldn’t handle, and this makes you stronger than you even know. Also, realize that someone somewhere else in the world has a worse circumstance and for that be grateful for what you have. Oh, and always remember – survive.